


Release Thy Rage

by Loukana



Category: Persona 5
Genre: 2/2 spoilers, Angst, Bittersweet, Canon Divergence, God Mode Enabled, Happy Ending, M/M, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29158662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loukana/pseuds/Loukana
Summary: On 2/2, Akirarefuses.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 20
Kudos: 158





	Release Thy Rage

**Author's Note:**

> Sooo… let's say that the 2/2 scene was… a bit traumatic for me. When Akechi gave his ultimatum and I was faced with "The Choice", I stared at my screen for a minute, shut down the console, cried in my pillow for an hour, then proceeded to rage-write half of this fic to evacuate my frustration. It's been almost two months, I haven't touched the game since then (and I still don't know if I will be able to go past that fucking choice anyways), but I figured I might as well finish this story and post it today... ^^;

"I refuse."

In front of him, Akechi narrows his eyes. "What do you mean, you refuse? That's not an answer to my question."

Oh, it is. It is Akira's answer. Maybe not the answer that Akechi was expecting, or that he wished for, but it's the one he's fucking getting.

"I. Refuse."

His voice is low, quiet, not far from his usual tone, and yet there's a tension underneath it, the same that is slowly spreading throughout his muscles. Something is awakening inside him, a new emotion, one that he never felt until now, one that never had its place in his life before.

Pure, unadulterated rage.

Against his hips, his hands have clenched into fists. He can feel the short nails digging into his flesh, but the pain is welcome, an anchor amid the storm that is brewing inside of him. It is not a gentle storm, of raised wind and lightning dancing through darkened clouds. Oh no, it is the kind of storms that cracks the earth and defaces mountains, the kind that raises the sea and lays waste to entire cities. The violence of it is a growing crescendo expanding under his skin, and Akira feels pulled taut, on the hair-brink of giving way to something that shouldn't ever be set loose.

The sneer marring Akechi's lips turns into a snarl, and yet his aggressiveness is nothing, nothing to what's inexorably rising to the surface of Akira's self.

"Stop wasting my time!" The detective almost spits the words in his face. "What do you intend to do about Maruki's deal?! Answer me!"

The storm is gaining sentience now, a beast clawing its way up Akira's throat, tearing apart the last remnants of composure and rationality, until there is nothing in its way, nothing preventing it from exploding from its cage of skin and bones.

**"I REFUSE!!!"**

The crash of Sojiro's coffee brewers as they make contact with the ground is deafening, just like the savage, unrecognizable shout that shatters the air like thunder. Instinct and hind-brain cause Goro to recoil a few steps away, before he can even process the shock. In front of him, Kurusu's expression has turned into something terrible, his body shuddering with barely contained rage. The broken debris of the items he swiped from the counter litters the ground between them, a line of broken glass and shattered china splitting Leblanc in two halves.

"You really think..." A breathless, incredulous laugh escapes the leader of the Phantom Thieves' lips. "You really think... I would... choose?... Go through with this... this fucking mockery... of a choice...?"

His voice is trembling from the fury and from something else, something that Goro cannot place. He wants to say something, but his own voice is stuck in his throat, and he can only watch as the words fight their way out of Kurusu's twisted mouth.

"You think... after mourning you... after what I suffered... the guilt, the nightmares... And after getting you back... having you alive, with us... then learning that this is all wrong... that you really died... and that I'll have to mourn you again..."

Fuck. This is what Goro has been afraid of, all this time. Despite everything he did to push Kurusu away, the other teen hasn't let go of his god-damned feelings. It's Goro's fault, for getting too caught up in their little game of cat and mouse back in October, for allowing sentiments to bloom and guiltily enjoying Kurusu's affection. And now, it's threatening everything, because despite his best attempts at crushing Kurusu's heart these past few weeks, the other teen is still not willing to let him go.

So Goro does what he does best. He steels himself, covers his words with poison, and lies cruelly.

"You didn't _get me back_ , Kurusu. Or have you forgotten? I was never yours to begin with." His lips twist into a nasty smile, a taunt to hide how nauseous he feels inside. "Or maybe... don't tell me, you really thought the pretty Detective Prince had feelings for you? Are you really so naive that you'd accept Maruki's reality just for another chance with..."

"SHUT UP!" What little composure Goro had managed to regain is immediately wiped away by the other teen's outburst, and he stares in bafflement at Kurusu, a wave of dread rising alarmingly fast inside of him. 

Because something feels horribly wrong, here. He has never seen Kurusu look so fierce before. Once upon a time, he would have loved to see this unflappable attitude of his crack just like this. But right now, his anger feels almost unnatural, like something that has been building for a long, long time before finally reaching its tipping point. Gone is the placid and level-headed teenager that was here just a mere minute ago. In his place is someone... something that causes a chill down Goro's spine.

Kurusu looks unhinged, fury twisting his usually elegant features into a beastly snarl, his whole body tense with violence, and every instinct in Goro is screaming at him to back off and run away, because right now, Kurusu looks more dangerous than he has ever been before. Shock and confusion are the only things rooting his feet to the ground.

"You don't realize, do you...?" The words slip like a hiss through Kurusu's clenched teeth, his voice almost unrecognizable. "You don't even understand... I accepted your death once... I won't do it again..."

Goro feels a stone drop in his chest at the meaning of those words. "Don't you dare, Kurusu..." He snarls. "Don't you dare accept his deal!..."

"His deal?!" Once again, a laugh escapes Kurusu's mouth, a bark full of derision. "You think I would... _chain you_ as a ghost in this illusion of his?!" He shakes his head, and a feral smile makes its way to his lips. "Oh, no, Akechi, don't worry... You may have loved your revenge and ambitions more than you loved me, but I haven't forgotten about my own feelings for you. I would fight to the death before I'd let anyone use you as their puppet again, let alone Maruki and his twisted reality..."

There is too much said in those few sentences, and it's something that Goro is not ready to face head on yet. It's one thing to suspect, it's another thing to have confirmation of Kurusu's still overwhelming sentiments for him. He feels unsettled more than he would admit by the declaration the other teen just threw at his face. So a sneer twists his lips, and Goro hisses viciously: "...As much as I appreciate your consideration for the fate I chose for myself... Seriously, what kind of stupid, sentimental fool are you, Kurusu? If you think this kind of corny speech will change how I feel about you..."

The wild look in Kurusu's eyes doesn't abate, but there's the shadow of old hurt in his gaze. "Oh don't worry, I believe you destroyed any chance of us getting back together when you shot my cognition in the face, _honey_..." The barb lacks venom, and Kurusu closes his eyes for a few seconds. When he reopens them, Goro is taken aback by the cold determination he can read in them.

"You still don't get it, do you?..." The other teen whispers before turning away, his stare fixed on the shelves of coffee jars lining the wall of Leblanc. "Maruki's illusion would only be a pretty lie... It would never be enough..." He's not making any sense, and Goro is about to demand an explanation, when Kurusu suddenly slams his palms violently over Leblanc's counter. The shock is hard enough to displace a few items, books falling over themselves, mugs clinking against each other. Goro freezes, watching Kurusu bow his head, his expression hidden by the glint of his glasses and the dip of his shoulders, his whitened fingers still griping the wood as if he wants to tear it apart. His whole body shakes, and for a moment, Goro hysterically thinks that Akira-fucking-Kurusu is crying in front of him.

But no. The trembling is one of rising fury, a fury he can hear in Kurusu's voice as he murmurs in a dangerous tone.

"I refuse... to accept... a world... in which you died... I won't... Not again..." Kurusu inhales harshly. "Such a reality..." He raises his head slowly, eyes staring blankly ahead, and Goro feels a new wave of dread at the frightening expression on his face. "...I **_reject_** it."

There's... a pulse. Goro can only describe it as such. For a fraction of second, something wavers around Kurusu, and Goro's instincts goes haywire, a sudden onslaught of primal fear just like before, the knowledge that something is wrong, _very_ wrong here. The frenzy in Kurusu's eyes is stronger than ever, his gaze glaring into emptiness, and his voice rises and rises and rises...

"You hear me?... I reject it. This reality, even that travesty of a utopia that Maruki thought he could trap us into... I refuse!... I will not accept a world that dragged you through all kinds of shit before letting you die like a fucking dog!"

Something sparks in front of Kurusu's face, a shard of bone white and dark coal, and Goro feels the world vacillate around him. There's no way... It cannot be...

And yet, the air around Kurusu shimmer, red flashing over the hands still griping the counter. The wooden board is shaking under that grip, and under the clinking of china, Goro can hear something groan. And then, in a violent crack, the wood splinters under Kurusu's hands, and it shouldn't be possible, but there is no mistaking the scraps of familiar black leather forming around the other teen's body.

"The fuck you're doing...?" Goro can barely recognize his own voice as he stumbles back, shaking from the fear of what's happening right in front of him. "Kurusu, what the fuck do you think you're doing?!..."

He can see it, the very fabric of their world tearing under the red gloves that Kurusu is now sporting, the smell of ozone filling the air, the sheer impossibility taking shape against every law of nature. Because this is not the Metaverse, this is the real world, and Kurusu is not supposed to be able to do _this_ , Joker _cannot_ exist here, he cannot... he's not...

And yet, he is. Kurusu's voice is unrecognizable, shaking with ferocity, a storm rising around him and tearing unbreakable chains in its wake. "I _refuse_... I shot the God of Control in the head... and I won't let myself be ruled again, not by a reality that discarded you so easily... And if I must, then I _will_ ascertain my will upon this world... though I be chained to Hell itself..."

The bone white mask over his face is burning, and Goro has never been more terrified in his life, because the words that Kurusu just uttered have weight, they have _consequences_. All around them, reality is unraveling, the very air shredding like fabric under invisible claws, Leblanc torn away by the entity that Kurusu is calling forth. Through the gaps left behind, a discordant song rises, a violent purple bleeding from those impossible wounds, and behind Kurusu, a dark silhouette rises, too immense to even comprehend, golden horns glinting and dark wings unfurling silently against the blue emptiness taking over Leblanc.

A part of Goro wants to flee. This is too much, even for him who never shied away from a challenge, who always stood in defiance against whatever shit was thrown at him. This, right now, is beyond what his mind can apprehend, this is not something that he can face or even stop. Kurusu is literally tearing reality apart in front of him, and there isn't a thing that Goro can do against it.

But more terrible than the desire to flee, is the part of him roused to the surface by Kurusu's fury. It is the vicious thing inside of him from which Loki was born, the one whose hate burns like poison, the one which clawed its way up by tearing others down, and was ready to sell its soul for a chance at revenge. That selfish part of Goro doesn't fear the tempest that Kurusu is calling forth, no, it welcomes it instead. There is something deeply satisfying upon seeing ruin brought to the world that used and abused him before discarding him like a broken toy. It resonates with the other teen's own anger, and the sudden hunger for destruction is as much Kurusu's as it is Goro's.

Through the storm, a young girl's voice is calling out from the purple void, almost drowned by the discordant song, pleading, begging.

"Trickster! Trickster, please! You must stop!..."

Whether he heard her or not, Kurusu doesn't even blink, shards of power crackling through his spread fingers and blue flames dancing around the edges of his mask, their light glinting over his bared teeth. He ignores the voice and lets his magic rip through another layer of reality, and the voice cries out in anguish.

"I beg of you!" She sounds even more distant, smothered underneath the raging tempest. "You're trifling with a power that lays far beyond your comprehension! The World arcana was never meant to be awakened like this!"

This, at last, causes a reaction in Kurusu, but it is not one of compliance. No, it is one of defiance, his voice roaring in challenge at the emptiness. "I am taking my due! I won your fucking game, I've _earned_ this fair and square!"

"Please, you have to stop! If you pursue this road, your actions will have terrible consequences!"

Far from placating Kurusu, the words awake another wave of rage from the usually composed teenager. The words slip through his bared teeth with the viciousness of a blasphemous curse.

"I will **not** choose between killing or brainwashing him! So if fucking Maruki can play with the rules of reality to bend them to his will... if he has the power to rewrite the world as he pleases... then why shouldn't I?!"

And Goro can barely breath. His back is pressed to what remains of Leblanc's door, shoulders hunched to weather the tempest of Kurusu's rage, his exposed nerves burned raw by the overload of magic, but more than that, his mind is a mess from Kurusu words. Because he understands, now. Kurusu is doing this for him. Just for him.

He's been alone for so long, his mind cannot comprehend that someone would go to such lengths just for his sake, to the point of defying gods and reshaping the world just so he could have a place in it. A spark of hope is blooming in his chest, something that he hasn't felt in ages, because for once, a chance is presenting itself for him. The selfish part of him wants to grab it desperately, wants to join Kurusu and fight ferociously against those who would deny him of this chance. After all, after everything he went through, why should he quietly accept his fate and be put to death for the sake of this unfair world? Why should his only chance at salvation come at the cost of giving up his free will to a madman?

Here, at this crossroad that Kurusu brought them to, a new split is forming from the path that would have only led to either his death or his enslavement to another's will. Another path that Kurusu is carving through this reality just for him, and why wouldn't Goro follow him down that road instead of those that would only lead to his doom?

....why wouldn't he?...

...

...why?...

Under the righteous fury, from the deep recesses of Goro's mind, something struggles and desperately fights to be acknowledged, and he falters, his grip on that anger he shares with Kurusu slipping ever so slightly. This is what he wants, right? A chance to live and to keep his mind intact, free from others' will. So why is there... why is there this sudden revulsion violently clawing its way to the surface? Why does it feel so wrong? Every instinct inside him screams in rejection and panic, a chorus of _no, no, **no, no, NO!**_ rising in denial until understanding crashes through him.

This is not what he wants. This is not what he wants _at all_.

Because this? This thing that Kurusu is doing? This is not just creating a new path in fate. This is rewriting it as Kurusu pleases, this is taking the reigns of Goro's destiny from his hands... and he won't allow that. He won't let himself fall under the yoke of another's will, not even Kurusu's.

His sudden burning rage feeds the strength in his arm, and the punch he throws is hard enough that the half-cognitive Leblanc ripples when Kurusu hits the ground.

The howling storm that was threatening to destroy everything suddenly stills, the torn edges of reality, the gathering energy and the gigantic persona suspended in time, on the edge of a dangerous precipice, a precarious balance that could tip and crash at any time. Kurusu himself is frozen on the ground, back to his normal clothes, eyes wide with shock staring at Goro without a mask to hide them, his bare hand gingerly holding his cheek. In the sudden silence, Goro can hear the frantic beat of his own heart, his ragged breath deafening to his ears. But more importantly, he can finally hear himself _think_.

"I won't... let you..." The words slip from his lips, low and full of threat, roused by that core of iron will that he forged for himself these past few years. He holds Kurusu's gaze with fire in his own eyes, makes it known that this is a decision that is absolutely, utterly final. He knows what he wants, and this path that Kurusu is offering is not it, will never be it.

Because he might not want to die, but more than that, he will **never** accept a life dependent on someone else's will.

Slowly, ever so slowly, Kurusu gets up, stance wary, never taking his eyes off him and observing him with the attention he usually reserves for dangerous traps in palaces.

"Why would you refuse?" He finally asks. His voice is raw just like Goro's, rough with the tumultuous emotions of their situation, and yet full of incomprehension, as if he honestly can't understand why Goro could find fault with his plan. "Isn't it better than dying or ending up under Maruki's control?"

"Of course it's not!" Goro snarls. His voice gets stronger by the second, as his resolve chases away the last bribes of whatever folly led him to almost comply with Kurusu's idea. "You think... you think I'd let myself be led into another false reality, one of your own making?!"

Kurusu's eyes widen again, then darken with a frown. "I'm trying to find a solution that doesn't end up with you dead!"

He can feel his hackles rise in fury. "Well then you can take your fucking solution and shove it up your ass, because I sure as hell am not agreeing with this bullshit!"

This doesn't go over well. Furious, Kurusu explodes. "So what?! You prefer to throw your life away?!"

Fuck him, for pushing this on him, for forcing Goro to advocate his own death. But he will not play into Kurusu's little game, and he will not let himself be _manipulated_ into siding with him. "It is _my_ choice, Kurusu! Mine and mine alone, one of the few I was ever allowed in this fucked up life I was saddled with! You have no right to take it from me!"

"What choice?!" Kurusu howls in outrage. "A choice between brainwashing and death?! This is not a choice, Akechi, this is just the latest cruel game that fate's got in store for us! You say that you refuse to be controlled, but you're just going to submit to what has been decided for you?! I thought you were..."

Goro cuts him off, shouting over the other boy's voice now because he can't let this madness continue any longer. "You think I'd rather dance on your strings than fate's or Maruki's?! I will not trade a puppeteer for another!"

His words are like a slap to Kurusu's face, and the other teen physically falters under them, his horror-stricken face only making Goro even more furious. He knows that he should try to calm things down between them, because the magic around them is still waiting for Kurusu's command, a hair's breadth away from the point of no return. But he can't NOT fight the other boy on this, not when his very freedom is on the line.

"That's what would happen, isn't it?! I'd be pulled into your little dream world, and you'd be the one in charge of it!" His voice almost breaks on the words, but he cannot show any weakness, not now. "First a false god, then Shido, then Maruki, and now you're the one who wants to rule over me!"

Appalled, Kurusu shakes his head immediately. "It's different! I'm not trying to control you nor change you, I'm just trying to save your life!"

How chivalrous of him. Goro almost spits his next words. "Yes, by pulling me into a reality you would have total control over! How long before you'd grow tired of my true self?" Kurusu opens his mouth to protest, but Goro cuts him off, rage tainting his voice the more he talks. "How long before you'd wish for something more? How long before you'd just make a few changes in my brain to make me more tame, more agreeable, or even, why not, more willing to submit to your idea of romance?!"

Kurusu gapes at him, aghast. "I would not… Akechi, I would never!"

"You would!" Goro roars. "Everyone would, in your shoes, and you're not so different from them! No one ever wanted the real me, so why would YOU be different?!"

"You know it's not true... I know you do." And Kurusu is staring at him with his goddamn fucking soul-piercing eyes of his, always so full of sincerity and trustworthiness. A true paragon of morality. "I'm not like those who used you for their own gain. I would never force you to be someone you're not, I just want..."

"...you just want me to live a happy life, free of pain and worry, huh?" Goro sneers. "I've heard those words not too long ago. Don't they sound familiar to you?"

The resolve in Kurusu's gaze is as unmovable as a mountain. "I would not change you."

"You would _control_ me!" Goro roars.

The silence falls between them once again, only broken by Goro's harsh panting. He takes a deep, shaking breath to calm himself, then another, before he says coldly:

"I've had enough of being played like a fool, thinking I was my own master when I was led by a leash the whole time. I won't let you take that leash, no matter how kind of a master you believe yourself to be."

And he forces himself to hold Kurusu's gaze without flinching, without faltering, even if it's the hardest thing he's ever done. Because a pathetic part of him thinks that it would not be so bad, to have Kurusu holding the leash, to know that his fate would now be in the hands of the boy who was ready to tear the world for him, and who would take such, such good care of him.

It's pathetic. Goro hates how weak that part of him is. And how weak he is for wanting to just give in and listen to it.

He watches as Kurusu's hands curl into fists. The other teen knows that the situation is slipping from his grasp, but still he wouldn't be Kurusu if he gave up without a fight.

"Would it be so terrible?" he asks with a furrow on his brow. "I never considered you anything less than an equal. Do you really believe I would take advantage of this power to use it against you?"

Goro knows the answer to that, but there is still a small ugly doubt lingering despite his trust in Kurusu. And it is enough to sour the very concept of handing himself over to him. "Maybe, maybe not," he replies through clenched teeth. "But I don't want to live in a reality where I would be wondering constantly whether I am still myself or the result of someone else's wishes."

"My only wish is for you to stay alive..."

"Is it?" Three years of fighting in the Metaverse, and Goro knows how to spot and hit a weakness in the most efficient way. "Maybe you'd keep me alive, yes. But the Goro Akechi who would live in your reality would either hate you, or be a fake."

Kurusu's expression is often hard to read, but there is no hiding how painful it is for him to hear those words and believe them. For a long while, he's silent, looking almost small against the purple emptiness and the giant persona still hovering at his back. And then, he slowly bows his head, shoulders slumping, lips drawn tight in a bitter line. When he speaks, his voice sounds broken. Defeated.

"Things with you are never simple, huh? You always have to cause me as much pain as possible…"

Something twists in Goro's guts, and he stifles it brutally. His voice is harsh and cold as he replies: "Your fault for being stupid and developing sentiments for the guy who tried to kill you. Stop trying to save me out of some misplaced affection, Kurusu. I don't love you back. I never did."

Goro has always been a good liar. Too bad he could never truly lie to himself. The miserable expression on Kurusu's face should feel like a victory, not like he just stabbed himself through the heart.

A joyless laugh slips from Kurusu's lips as he shakes his head. His eyes dart towards him, full of bittersweet fondness. "...I should have realized that I would not get to keep you. You're too rational and sensible to let yourself be ruled by sentiments..."

Too rational and sensible? What a joke. Goro is a fool, that's what he is. He's the only one to blame for this situation. Had he not been stupid and simply rejected Kurusu back in October, they would not be where they are today. It's because of his own goddamn weakness for the other boy, that now his only way forward is by tearing both his and Kurusu's hearts to pieces.

He's used to being in pain. And he's used to causing pain in others. But it's the first time that he feels their pain echoed back to him as if it were his own.

Kurusu is slowly gathering himself. He pushes his hands in his pockets, blank gaze focused on the emptiness surrounding them. Aloof once again, as if he hadn't lost his shit just a few minutes ago, as if Goro hadn't wounded him grievously just a few moments ago.

He guesses they're both used to hide behind masks, when the pain becomes too much.

"So, you won't accept any alternate reality I could create." Kurusu's gaze drifts to Goro once again. "You'd only be happy if you were the sole master of your own fate, huh?"

"That's right," Goro replies with conviction. "No more being Shido's pet assassin, no more being Maruki's bargaining chip, no more being fate's or... or some fucking god's instrument." After a pause, his voice softens unwillingly. "And this goes for you too. I won't become the tragic stray dog you decided to rescue before it could be put down, okay?"

"How about a stray cat?" Kurusu offers nonchalantly.

Goro scowls at him, and the other teen huffs in amusement. "Guess that's a no."

There's still a mutinous spark in Kurusu's eyes, even though he must know by now that he has lost the fight. Truly a worthy rival. Goro couldn't have wished for someone more driven and obstinate than him. But he needs to be sure that Kurusu truly understands what's at stake here. So after a moment, Goro wets his lips, and takes the plunge.

"Listen," he says slowly, searching for his words. "I know it might be... difficult to let me go." Kurusu snorts, but Goro ignores him and plows on. "But I don't want to live with regrets for the rest of my life. And I know I would come to regret it, if I accepted your reality."

Kurusu inhales brusquely, but Goro cuts him off with a raised hand. He can't quite hold the other teen's gaze, so he focuses on Kurusu's clenched fists instead.

"You have to understand. This decision I made, to choose freedom over life, it's important to me." He pauses for a second, before continuing. "Back on Shido's ship, I made a similar decision. I could have taken the easy way out, dragged you into the fight and risked your lives against my cognitive self and his hordes of shadows, so that I could escape with my own life. But I chose to put your group's safety above mine instead, and there was never a moment when I regretted it."

He meets Kurusu's eyes once again, and the other teen holds his gaze, silent and attentive. So Goro continues, his expression fierce while he says in a low, but intense voice:

"Kurusu, I have never been more _free_ than when I choose to shoot that button, even knowing what it would mean for me. This was the only choice I ever took for myself, not because of revenge or duty, but because it was what I wanted to do. So... please, just..."

His voice breaks, and he feels pathetic for being reduced to begging, but he will do anything if it means changing Kurusu's mind. So he bows his head and finishes in a quiet voice:

"Please... just let me be free once again."

For a long while, Kurusu doesn't react. They stand immobile, facing each other, as frozen and timeless as the strange spell holding the fate of the world in fragile suspension around them. Goro's mind feels empty and numb, as he waits for the other teen's decision. And then, after what feels like an eternity, Kurusu breathes out slowly.

"Alright," he says in a whisper. "Alright..."

Goro needs to be certain. So he asks: "You won't take control of me?"

"I won't." Kurusu's expression is full of resolution once again. "And neither will I let Maruki, nor anyone else."

This is as good as a promise. Kurusu is not one to go back on his word, and a heavy weight falls from Goro's shoulders, the pressure in his chest easing off to something more manageable. He feels almost dizzy with relief, and the surge of warmth that floods him is overwhelming. Kurusu understands him. Kurusu has always understood him.

What he would have given to meet him a few years back, before Goro damned himself for his revenge. What he would have given to have more time with him, to be honest with his feelings, instead of having to play this abominable charade. He wants to howl and rage at the unfairness of it all. But there's no point in doing so, now. It's not like life made a habit of granting him his wishes, anyways.

So instead, he clears his throat and asks in a voice slightly rougher than usual: "Well then... what now?"

Kurusu's gaze wanders around sheepishly, to the unraveling reality that is still waiting for his decision. "What now, indeed," he murmurs, looking down at his hands before tentatively snapping his fingers. Joker's outfit wraps around him in a burst of flames, and the spell holding everything frozen breaks apart.

The return of the deafening noise and violent bursts of energy makes Goro jump, but Kurusu immediately takes hold of the magic and reigns it in forcefully. It takes some time, but the persona at his back slowly folds its wings, and the tempest settles down, becoming a crackling hearth instead of a wild inferno.

The magic is still active, the fabric of reality still ruptured beyond repair, but the destructive rage is over. The strands of energy flow around Kurusu's legs easily, like obedient pets awaiting their master's orders, but he ignores them for now, his attention focused on Goro once again.

"...You're sure then?" he asks quietly, just loud enough that Goro can hear him.

He nods in reply, just once, and watches Kurusu close his eyes. The mask hides part of his face, but still, it's not hard to see the pain he's trying to keep at bay, in the down-turned corners of his mouth, the slouch of his shoulders, and Goro's heart squeezes in his chest. It's unfair, so fucking unfair...

"Guess it was worth a shot..." Kurusu's leather covered fingers rise and tangle with a curl of hair dangling in front of his face. It's a gesture so much _Kurusu_ that it seems strange, to see that gesture associated with the white mask and the red gloves of _Joker_. Although, it fits. This isn't the leader of the Phantom Thieves facing him, right now. This is Kurusu, the boy who fell in love with him, and that Goro, to his great dismay, fell for in return.

A part of him wants to tell him the truth, to soothe the pain behind those dark-slated eyes. But he knows it would only make things worse. Better a heart broken by rejection than one broken by grief. Kurusu needs to let him go, and Goro doesn't want to make his decision more difficult to shoulder.

He can feel it, when Kurusu's magic closes the path leading to that tempting reality. It shuts down with a sentiment of finality, like a possibility disappearing, sealed away, never to be seen again. It almost feels like a missed opportunity, and Goro's throat feels tight, but he refuses to dwell on it.

The reality around them is still torn apart though, and with no small amount of worry, Goro wonders if it can ever be set back to the way it was before. "You're gonna fix this?" he asks Kurusu, watching warily as the strands of energy gathered around the other teen are put in motion once again.

"I am," Kurusu replies tightly as he drops his gaze to the magic rising in a slow twirl around them, a dance of electric-blue flames spinning faster and faster, the storm gaining power once again. He doesn't meet Goro's eyes as he says: "I guess this is where we part ways."

Goro nods by reflex, before he frowns. "Wait a minute... What do you mean, "this is where we part ways"? We're still fighting Maruki tomorrow, right?"

The other teen doesn't reply, and Goro suddenly gets a very bad feeling about this.

"Kurusu?" he asks suspiciously, and then, with mounting dread: "Kurusu, what the fuck are you doing?!"

And shit, he should have seen this coming. The magic that Kurusu is weaving isn't targeted at the torn reality around them, no, it's focused on Goro himself, and how the fuck did he not notice?! He howls in outrage and throws himself at the other teen, but the force of the reawakened storm pushes him back, and he desperately claws at the air, trying to get to Kurusu, despite the power holding him back.

"You fucking agreed, Kurusu!" Goro roars from the betrayal. "You said you would not take control of me!"

On the other side of the building wall of magic, Kurusu slowly straightens himself from his defeated slouch. "I won't," he replies firmly. "But I'm still not letting you die."

He is looking at Goro once again, and the steel never truly left his gaze, only hid itself for a while so that Goro could think he'd won and lower his guard. But now it's back with a vengeance, the overwhelming resolve of the Phantom Thieves' leader in its full glory, the kind that would never let him back down from a fight, especially not against his treasured rival. And Goro fell into his trap, like a fucking moron!

With a furious snarl, he tries to reach Kurusu again, in vain. The other teen doesn't even flinch at his vehemence, fingers still weaving through the building magic as he says: "You should have known that I would not give up on you. I let you sacrifice yourself on that ship, but I won't make such a mistake again. You're going to fucking _live_ , Goro."

Kurusu's voice has taken on a stubborn edge, the same one he used as they plowed for three hours straight through the dark labyrinth of Sae's palace. At the time, it had been the only thing keeping them going despite their complete exhaustion. But right now, Goro would rather shoot Kurusu's face once again than listen to that fucking, infuriating tone.

With a shout of frustration, he slams his fists into the unwavering barrier keeping him at bay, uncaring of the damage to his unprotected hands. "You have no right to do this!... I won't... I won't let myself become a prisoner of your false reality!"

"It won't be mine."

Taken aback, Goro widens his eyes. "...What?"

Kurusu has the gall to smile at him. "I won't rewrite reality. _You_ will."

It's startling enough that Goro is struck dumb for a few seconds. He stumbles back from the barrier, trying to comprehend, trying to make sense of what Kurusu just said.

"...What the fuck are you talking about?..." And after a few seconds, more confused than furious at this point, he asks once again: "Kurusu... what are you doing...?"

On the other side of the flames, Kurusu's smile widens into a devilish grin.

"I'm giving you back all the choices that should have been yours to begin with."

He can't be doing what Goro thinks he is. There's no way...

...But fuck. It's Kurusu. Of course he would find a way.

Goro should protest, should stop this madness before it's too late, but he hesitates. For maybe half a second, but that's as good as approval for Kurusu. The resolve in those dark eyes strengthens even more, the magic flares around them, and by the time Goro has gathered his wits, it's already too late to go back.

And to his shame, he can't find it in himself to stop Kurusu anymore. Because this time, there are no additional clauses or conditions. Kurusu is giving him back both his life and his freedom, and everything else that Goro has ever wished for, free of charge. He's giving him a _real chance_.

Kurusu's gaze and voice soften as he asks, almost fondly: "This is acceptable, right?"

How? How can he still treat Goro so kindly, look at him with so much affection, after every horrible thing that Goro did to him? He doesn't deserve Kurusu, never did, and it's wrong that the other boy would do so much for someone like him. Goro's throat feels tight enough to hurt, and far too tight for words, so instead, he can only nod numbly at the other boy and hope it conveys everything he really wants to say.

On the other side of the barrier, Kurusu sags in relief and closes his eyes. "Alright, good... That's good... It might not be what I really hoped for, but... I guess I can accept it, as long as you're happy with it." He meets Goro's gaze again and chuckles tiredly. "You better make the most out of it, I won't forgive you if you end up wasting my gift."

A ball of dread slowly grows in Goro's guts. Why is Kurusu talking as if... as if they're not going to see each other again?... They're doing this together, are they not?... He wouldn't... sacrifice his own existence for Goro's sake, right?...

...Oh fuck.

The magic flares again, the giant demon behind Kurusu spreading his wings wide open, and suddenly, time is running out. Goro panics, because everything is going too fast, he's not ready yet, he didn't prepare for this, it wasn't supposed to happen like this, he wasn't supposed to be the one left behind...

"Wait," he gasps, struggling desperately against the magic. "Kurusu, w-wait, we're not done yet!..."

A small, painful smile tugs at Kurusu's lips, a pale imitation of Joker's mischievous grin. "Farewell, Goro. Try not to break that Akira's heart too, will you?"

He's not coming... fuck, Kurusu's not coming, and he still thinks that... oh fuck... no, no, NO! Goro can't do this, he can't let him go, not without telling him that...

_*i lied it wasn't true i swear that - i never wanted to hurt you - you deserve so much better than - i don't hate you i never did - you're the one who gave me the strength to - it's not freedom if you're not there at my - you made me want to become a better person - i don't want to let go of - this is too soon i can't - want to stay with you - why did i refuse why did i push you back why - i don't want to go - please you've got to - stop stop stop i changed my mind keep me please don't send me away love you too please Akira I love youloveyouloveyo*_

The torrent of barely acknowledged truth press against his lips, and he doesn't want to hold it back any longer, wants to shout it out loud before it's too late. But the magic around them is running wild, the remaining fragments of reality torn apart as Goro feels himself dragged backwards, away from Kurusu, away from his eyes still full of heartbroken love, and Goro screams his name and howls in denial as the last remnants of reality crumble to nothing along with Kurusu's bittersweet smile.

* * *

On the 2nd of February, 2014, in a government-run child care institution on the outskirts of Tokyo, fifteen-years-old Goro Akechi wakes up with a gasp and a name on his lips.

He throws himself out of bed, stumbles through the dark dormitory like a man possessed, slamming into hard-edged furniture and waking up a good half of the boys sharing his dorm before he locks himself in the nearest loo and proceeds to have a complete meltdown.

It takes him an hour to finally make sense of what just happened to him, another to curse Kurusu to hell and back while he tries to stifle his sobs into his fist, and another to swear to himself that he's going to fucking fix this, he's going to fix everything, because there's no way he's going to waste the second chance that Kurusu just gave him. Goro lost more than he was prepared to lose, paid a price far too high for this life, but he's going to make the most out of it, and find a way to repay Kurusu's sacrifice in any way he can.

So, the very next day, Goro sets to work.

* * *

On the 2nd of February, 2016, in the suburbs of a quiet little seaside town, seventeen-years-old Goro Akechi punches his father in the face. When the police shows up, disgraced ex-politician Masayoshi Shido is arrested on account of fraud, blackmail, embezzlement, sexual assault, evading arrest, and fourteen other charges, all related to the numerous scandals that came to light these past two years. At the police station, Goro is sternly reprimanded by a tired cop for using violence against a fellow citizen, but he's got two witnesses more than willing to testify that "Shido started it", and so the cop eventually let him go with just a slap on his wrist and a grudging thank you for saving that woman and aiding in the capture of a wanted fugitive.

"You really have the luck of the devil," Akira chuckles incredulously as they leave the police station and start the walk back to Goro's apartment. "I swear, only you could start a fight with a random jerk in the street and end up capturing one of the most wanted men in the country..."

With a small laugh, Goro tangles their fingers together and squeezes his boyfriend's hand fondly. "I guess I really am lucky," he says with a soft smile as he gazes into the distance. "I'm still not sure what I did to deserve this life but..." Goro turns his head to press a soft kiss to Akira's cheek and feels his heart flutter in his chest when he's rewarded with a blush and a delighted grin. "...but I plan to do everything in my power to make your life just as happy as you made mine."

**Author's Note:**

> Atlus, you can kill, brainwash and traumatize our babies as much as you like, but you won't stop me from making them fucking happy ( ~~and probably happily fucking too~~ ).


End file.
